"A belief or altered reality that is persistently held despite evidence or agreement to the contrary, generally in reference to a mental disorder." -google
Okay, she googles reality next.
"But the reality that we experience each and every day is what we must use to survive in our environment. To that end, the panel then turned their focus to the biological mechanisms that guide our senses." -more google
Okay, this is why I like science she murmurs.
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We often don't think about how sexy our liver looks because, you know... we cannot "see" it.
Therefore, we live in this delusional world... drinking acetaldehyde and acetic acid (aka alcohol), eating anti-freeze, sniffing industrial germicides and fungicides that pour out of those god forsaken plug-ins all the while... obsessively worrying about the shape of our fucking nose, rim around the waist, and why in the HELL that guy hasn't watched your "story" yet.
Our liver, the second largest organ and body's main filter, silently suffers.
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Maybe as soon as the liver has decided it has taken enough abuse... it will quietly share a skin symptom?? Bah... it is in that super obscure place, you cover it up with foundation (more chemicals), shame yourself and crack a beer to forget about it and go back to filtering out your Instagram post instead.
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When you know something isn't right, yet, there is no outward sign. You turn towards the ones that...love...you. No one bats an eye but invites you over to watch the game. Hm. Maybe it is just me? Maybe I am delusional.
You get that first tiny symptom; that no one can see, you know what I am talking about right?
It is that feeling, that something just isn't right. It is obscure enough for you to silently scream in the bathroom, splash your face and return to that throat squeezing place... but it's cool we know exactly what to say, when to say it, swallow that feeling. Crisis averted.
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The liver continues taking the abuse, quietly. Do you even know what side the liver is on? Who cares! No one can see it anyways :D The emotional body continues taking the abuse, silently. Who cares! No one can see emotion anyways when you know how to act like a liver :D
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Overtime you begin to numb certain areas...oh yes, like vestigial structures to the evolving body. Those fish that live in the dark but still have eyes, human with wisdom teeth or the outdated appendix. No longer needed because we stopped using dat shit.
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People can numb out their emotions and begin living in a delusion. Repeatedly abused but without the black eye, no one is really there to help and when everybody's on drugs (a song I have playing in my head by Falling in Reverse) you start to believe yourself into an altered reality. Those you thought...cared...stayed quiet.
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You want to believe in everybody. Desperately. You take the hits. You blend in to the pool of watching and tweaking. Playing the game of remote control to a monitor you've created as your life.
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Delusional.
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You are hearing the doctor say, "this is really bad." You are reading messages from another doctor that is saying, "this may be staph." I cannot fucking hide this with foundation. I cannot filter this life anymore the way I have been. Like the "occasional" drinker allowing "occasional" emotional abuse.
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It's fucked up.
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I am sorry body. I am sorry I have allowed these things to happen to you.
I am sorry I have made you believe you were overweight.
I am sorry I forced you to lose that weight.
I am sorry I lied to you.
I am sorry I estranged you.
I am sorry I allowed certain people into our personal space.
I am really sorry for that.
I am sorry I poisoned you for so long.
I am sorry I have overworked and undernourished you.
I am sorry I have limited you.
I am sorry I have denied you of such beautiful love, resisting it and moving away from it.
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The body, she speaks. Silently.
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Given enough time though, she will bite. And it won't be nice.
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Reality.
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The people that tear out your liver and force you to take a good hard look at it... keep those ones around. They are the ones that want you to survive.
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Whales are the filter feeders of the ocean.
Can they relate?
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