Sinus infection, an inflammation of the tissues in the spaces of the forehead, cheeks and nose.
Last scene - freshmen year in college.
Made a comeback as a sophomore in Alaska.
I’ve collected a few battle scars since then. I’ve been running since then.
My lease is up in a month. My escape route has been mapping itself around some “things” ;)
An interview to teach science on a small island in South Asia. Massage school in HI. A year in Patagonia to learn the ways of navigation in the wild with NOLS.
A turned down invite to serve in Zambia.
A letter of recommendation sitting in my inbox for graduate school in Boston.
A scary number of dollars due in taxes with less than in my account.
When we are injured physically, we have no other choice but to remain sessile in that region.
It is thought that physical ailments will appear if the spiritual ailment has not been acknowledged and tendered to.
I haven’t stopped running and now neither will my nose.
Now I have to be sessile and what the hell. The surge of memories that greet me as I crawl into bed is tiring. I literally have stopped sleeping under the covers because these Ghosts await me. The other night I stripped the blanket and slept in the bathroom. Still trying to run.
YOU WILL NOT OUT RUN THEM.
Perhaps the infection will dissipate, the knee and elbow “itis’s” will too if I just sit with these Scarred Ghosts.
Humans need to sleep and the Ghosts need to heal too.
We cannot undo our pasts nor can we gaslight our Ghosts. They are a part of you, much like any other part of your physical body.
Our Ghosts, like our scars, are there to remind us of our undeniable Strength.
Your Ghosts are haunting…only when you don’t allow them to heal.
Definition of haunting: difficult to ignore or forget.
I’m ready to move. I don’t believe this to be geographically in my life right now, rather, ready to move on. In order to do this, I must befriend the injured Ghosts.
I believe the past few weeks in forced sessillity have been painful because I am reminded of the most important parts of me that are still in pain.
I am so resistant, so stubborn, I want to outwork them, outread them, outcounsel them.
As I type with the ring of fire around my face, I surrender to the tears that serve to extinguish.
I am throwing the towel in.
I see you injured Ghosts.
I am sorry you were left alone.
It was deeply how I felt.
I am here for you now.
Let’s slow down.
… as long as I can be the little spoon.
Time to get back in the Game Lady.
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